We don’t always take the time to take care of our privacy and our sexual habits are no exception to this rule.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine if your sex life is going well! Are you satisfied right now? Could you improve your erotic routine? It’s always a good time to do some soul-searching.
1. What place does sexuality take in your life as a couple?
Many end up forgetting the importance of healthy sexuality in their relationship dynamics . And that does not mean that sexuality must be ultra active, no,the sexuality of your couple must be… to your couple’s taste! Obviously, this must take into account everyone’s wishes and respect their limits. If your sexual relations no longer stimulate you, or if you feel that sex could take a greater (or lesser) place in your intimacy, perhaps it is time to open the dialogue with your partner.
How relevant is sexuality to your life as a couple? What evolution do you want to give it? Talking about sex and redefining its place in your couple dynamics can give it a stimulating role… if that is your goal. A word of advice: it’s always better to talk about sex outside the bedroom.
2. When was your sex life most fulfilling?
Self-esteem has a definite impact on our sexual fulfillment , as does our partner and the dynamics we have with him or her. It is interesting to take a look at the different times when you can claim to have experienced great sexual satisfaction. How can you promote these? Of course, we must not fall into the trap of idealizing the past. Rather, it should be used to build a happier present.
Moreover, the same exercise is valid for masturbation : at what period and in what way did you manage to give yourself fulfilling solo pleasure? Sexuality is above all a relationship with oneself.
3. How is your sexual satisfaction determined right now?
Is it essential for you to reach orgasm to be sexually satisfied ? And if so, how? What caresses are synonymous with 7th heaven for you? What context encourages you to let go? Maybe right now you need an evening where you and your partner take time to explore each other. Maybe it’s also a change of atmosphere that you need: a short stay away from home and responsibilities to let your libido ignite… Finally, it could also be that in this moment sexuality is not important or even a priority, and above all do not feel guilty, it is completely normal. Listen up!
4. Is masturbation your greatest source of satisfaction?
Do you prefer your sessions alone rather than those with a partner? Do you think you are the only one capable of meeting your needs? Do you let go more easily when you are alone? Do you find it difficult to cum under the gaze of your partner? Know that it is really valid if you answered yes to all these questions.
It’s normal that you often get bigger orgasms from masturbation, basically because it’s so much easier to focus on your own feelings – you’re never better served than by yourself! The winning recipe is not always attainable with his or her partner. The best way to improve couple sex ( or with more people !) is to verbalize what gives pleasure when you’re ready and within your own limits. In short: there is always room for improvement – and it goes both ways!
5. Which positions give you the most pleasure?
Again, it’s about communication. Do you feel like you’re having sex according to a very specific script and you’re tired of it? Explain to your partner that you would like to try other ways to please yourself. It would be interesting to determine which ones allow you greater fulfillment. Want a little more spice? Discover positions and caresses that you have never explored. You will be able to discover unsuspected erogenous zones or even new forms of pleasure.
Conversely, if you don’t feel like doing certain positions that make you uncomfortable and you like 2.3 positions that are sure to give you pleasure… That’s just as correct!
6. How could you improve your enjoyment?
Can your sexual fantasies come true? Do you tend to repress the slightest desire? Perhaps you dare not share them with your partner for fear that he or she will judge you? Would you like to try a new sex toy to enhance your pleasure? Or in any case to add a new dimension to your sensations… Take the time to question yourself.
7. What else do you have to explore?
It is important on a personal level, but also if you are in a relationship with another person, to target different elements that you want to explore. This exercise allows us to push the boundaries of our sexual life. It also gives the opportunity to discover the other in his desire to renew our intimacy.
9. Do your dissatisfactions, if any, last for a long time?
Are you constantly or sporadically dissatisfied? Do you consider this to be a chronic problem that has undermined sexual dynamics for several months/years? If this is the case, I advise you to turn to sexuality experts to find answers tailored to your sex life. There is nothing wrong with consulting a sex therapist – whether alone or as a couple!
10. Do you put too much pressure on yourself about your sexuality?
There’s a lot of talk going on about sex and intimate relationships. Do you think you put too much pressure on yourself about your sex life? Are you influenced by other people’s sex lives and the ubiquity of sex advice given to women? De-cu-lpa-bilize yourself! Live sex as you see fit, not as society or others dictate.
If you enjoy reading, I strongly recommend that you check out Emily Nagosky’s Rejoice essay which demystifies many things about sexuality – both physically and emotionally. No matter your current situation, I wish you to explore your desires and your body without taboos!